When the first house offer fell through I kept at task and kept looking at homes. This time I didn’t relent on the area I was looking at. I was relieved that the offer fell through so I was trying to take from that.

Before I move on to talk about my second home offer, I need to share that I had learned some more about my agent by this point. I had learned my agent was going through a divorce and was coping with it by binging on her self medication of choice. I felt awful for her and conflicted. Here was this person going through a world of hurt and using some coping skills that were pretty unhealthy, and I felt bad for her. Breakups suck. Anyone who has gone through one understands how horrible they can feel. I had gotten the sense that perhaps she didn’t feel like she had a lot of people in her corner at the time and I didn’t want to be another person in her life that was making her feel awful.

However…..

My agent would also call me, or I would call her, to talk about a listing and I would find that after a few minutes of talking about the home it would spiral into this extended amount of time of her needing to talk about her divorce or latest office crush. It was all.. a lot. I didn’t feel qualified to be on that ride with her especially having just met her and I didn’t know how to socially and professionally remove myself from it.

We all go through stuff. I have, you have… I didn’t want to be unsupportive and drop this person in the midst of her breakdown, and yet I was seriously struggling with the whole process of buying a home. I didn’t understand the entire process, which is why I hired her. I needed someone I felt had my interest at heart and at that I could trust. She assured me she could separate her professional and personal life and so I continued to work with her. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and surely with her long experience of being an agent she would still be able to do her job, right?

My pitfall: I didn’t know how to break up with my agent. That sounds awful to break up with someone professionally who is going through a break up romantically, but at the end of the day we need to protect our own investments and well being first. I hate confrontations and I especially hate feeling like I am kicking a person while they are down. I also didn’t know the socially acceptable way to break off the professional relationship. I put way too much responsibility on myself for her emotional well being.

What I should have done: Found my courage and found a way to tell her that I needed to step back while she allowed herself the space to heal and I allowed myself the space to work towards the goal of finding a home for my family. I could have done it in an email if I didn’t feel safe talking to her or if I was worried about her reaction. You need to know it’s okay for us to give ourselves permission to advocate for our own well being. It is not being unkind to remove ourselves from a situation. I wish I done that for myself.

Now before you think to yourself “Dang, that is cold to walk away from someone who is going through so much” just know the reality is some people are really good at separating business and their personal life. She was not and at the end it cost me dearly. As I share more of my journey you will understand why and I hope it will help prevent someone else from making the same mistakes I did. I hope it helps someone give themselves permission to advocate for themselves and know it’s okay to walk away.