As you know from my previous entry, I had chosen a real estate agent to work with who seemingly felt like a good fit. She felt personable, funny and genuinely interested in helping me find a suitable home for me and my children.

We had a few conversations and I didn’t really feel any red flags. She talked about her recent sales and clients she was actively working for, and how excited she was to help people find the perfect place no matter how long it took.

I finally found a house I was willing to go check out even though it wasn’t in a city I was really looking in. It was a town over and about 25 minutes out, but I was willing to go give it a shot. I needed the experience of looking at homes and getting that ‘hands on’ moment to really see what would work for my family and what wouldn’t.

Pitfall: I swooned too easily. I swooned like 80s Daryl Hall had walked into a room, flipped his hair and belted out a personal concert to my teenage self while clutching a copy of Tiger Beat.

When I walked into the house I ‘kinda’ liked the layout, but it was a split level and that meant stairs. I was really hoping for a single level, and I had told her that. I am just a huge fan of single story homes.

Here is where I swooned: She immediately started in selling the dream. Now, I had planned some renovations and she knew that but she had me seeing so many changes and selling them in a way that minimized them. Don’t like the carpets? No problem, pull them up! That’s super easy! Don’t like the paint? Paint! That room is kinda small, but that is okay.. HOME OFFICE! Before I knew it I was being sold the finest car on the lot with the best flattest of tires and a super groovy bad alternator. Looking back I can almost hear her slap the top of the car.

Of course I put in an offer and why wouldn’t I? This experienced real estate agent who had my best interest at heart just sold me on all the super cool ways this house was the best choice for my family and I was lucky I was willing to let go of the town I wanted to live in for it. Sure let me put down an offer, and can you hurry up and write that out so I don’t miss out on my amazing future here?

What I should have done: To listen to my own voice, I should have walked into that home with a list in my hand of the things I was willing to compromise on and things I was not willing to compromise on. On that list I should have had a blank space where I could make notes and written down what I would need to have renovated to work for my family. If I was smart about it I would have already had a few printed up and ready for viewing homes.

When you are working with someone who wants to sell you on something and you are so excited to jump into this process, everything that is made to sound easy and you lose sight. You need to remain personally subjective. Sure it might be an “easy fix” to just paint a red wall, but the reality is paint is not free and nor is hiring a professional. Even if you think you will just take a crash course on YouTube on how to paint red walls, it’s still not free. You pay for the paint, supplies, and time. If you mess it up, you pay for a huge wall art to cover it. I personally have painted plenty of walls in my time, and that is exactly why I know if I want it to look good, I am hiring a professional. Prepare that a lot of things will be minimized, so write it down and remind yourself the costs and time that goes into making those changes. Most of us will put off painting until after a move and we all know how that works out. Three years later you are still looking at that red wall and either trying to figure out how to Martha Stewart it for any holidays you can make red work, or you are cursing yourself for even agreeing to purchase a home with a red wall. Make sure you consider when you will have the time to paint that wall and be realistic with yourself if you going to look at it as an “easy fix”

By the time we left the house I had told her to put an offer in. Heck, before I even pulled out of the driveway she had me seeing the garden I would plant, the fun and the memories we would build. So what if it had 70s single pane windows that had some cracks, a weird backyard with a deck that needed replaced and some plaster that was bubbling downstairs.

When my offer was declined I actually felt sad. It’s a hard thing to balance, isn’t it? You want to be able to see yourself in the house but at the same time it’s like going on a date with a really super cool person and then getting ghosted. That is why it is so freaking important to stay personally subjective. I can’t even stress that enough.

Red Flag: Her response to the offer being declined: “I hate split level homes. It was gross. It almost looked like it was a rental” … Say what? I wrote it off as perhaps she was playing Mean Girls for me and was trying to make me feel better about losing out, but at the same time it felt a lot like when you break up with someone and all of a sudden you find out how your friends really feel.